The Grinds

I'm trying to attach an earth shattering metaphor to this picture, but the simple fact is: I'm grinding my own coffee in the morning. I know. Very exciting indeed. So exciting that I must write about it. Wow!!
But there's something cool about fresh coffee ground by me by hand. So old school. It feels like my routine cup o' java is now a "reward" opposed to a "right".
My life is starting to trend towards that as well. My life is starting to resemble a freshly ground cup of coffee. I've been grinding it out since I ventured back into the production world, and now I'm starting to see the rewards. Opportunities are poppin' up. Mind you, I've got a long way to go before I achieve my goals, but I can actually see things starting to brew. Things that are realistic for me now, and can only help me in the future. I'm still gonna have to grind for a while, but like my with coffee, I'm enjoying the grind, as much as the steamy cup of coffee.
Spiritually speaking, it's the exact same thing. I feel like I've been grinding it out for a long time, but now, finally, I can clearly feel the rewards taking root. I know my ultimate reward is not gonna be anything physical, like a cup of coffee. But I can at least, appreciate how good Jesus tastes after grinding it out for what feels like "forever" without him. The Christian life ain't easy, but it teaches you that
nothing in life ever comes easy, and anything that's worth it, shouldn't. Otherwise, you wouldn't appreciate it. Maybe that's my metaphor. It sure makes sense to me. I'll raise a mug to that. Here's to the grinds. May you savour every minute of it.

Life 101

Yesterday was humbling. Yesterday I learned a lot about myself. Yesterday, reality set in. It wasn't pretty. Yesterday I shanked 4 wedges, yesterday I lost 6 golfballs. Yesterday, I shot 101.
Granted, the course was tough, and the winds were howling, but I haven't been north of 100 strokes, since my teens. I didn't have a case of the slices or hooks. I wish it were that simple. I went left, right, and wrong. It was brutal... and educational.
When dealing with such a sobering round of golf, many things go thru your mind. You want to pout, but don't. You want to throw your clubs, but don't. You want to quit, but don't. Why not?
For one: my dad drove from Sarnia to play. two: I've only played 6 times this year. And three: it's just a game. So, I grit my teeth and grinded it out right to the end. And in hindsight, it turned out to be one of the most rewarding rounds of golf in my life.
...and my life seems to be in a similar state as my golf game. My head tells me that I'm still an 8 handicap, but my game proves to be otherwise. Same as my life. I'm not where I was. I'm not where I want to be. Those things have been hard to swallow these last few weeks. But after my round of golf, I learned that you can't dwell. My ball is not in the middle of the fairway, it's in the tall grass. But I can see it, and more importantly, I can still see the green.
Life 101 is this: If you're not where you want to be, grind it out until you are. And to prove my point...
I finally found my swing and hit my best drive of the day on the very last hole. The ball landed 265 yards down the middle and it bounced through the fairway and into a creek. Undeterred, I dropped another ball and hit a seven iron over a lake, thru a 30 mile an hour crosswind, and stuck it 10 feet from the pin and made par with a penalty stroke.
This great golf tale has been made possible by a guy who doesn't quit.

No Hands!!

So I've been biking a lot lately. Taking advantage of the weather as well as the escarpment trails. Yesterday was my wife's birthday, so I bought her a bike. As we were riding down to the harbour for a little breakfast, we discussed the idea of riding our bikes with no hands. I thought about my face, and how much I like it. Why would I risk falling on it? Then I thought about being a kid. All I wanted to do was be like the big kids. They were riding around with no hands and looking so cool. That's what I wanted. So over time I built up the courage and faith in my bike to do it. I didn't think about my face, or breaking a bone or anything like that. I was focused on the task and just went for it. I was 10 and I was free.
What happened to me? All of these "what ifs" popping into my head 20 some years later. When did I lose my sense of adventure? I learned to ride this way when I was 10. Why can't I do it now, in my thirties?
I sat over breakfast pondering this dilemna. Somewhere along the way I became a wuss. I let logic talk me out of doing something adventurous. As I savoured my cinnamon- raisin french toast, I couldn't help but feel remorseful about the person I'd become. I didn't want that adventure seeker to die. So, with a full belly, and a fresh perspective. I biked back home. And, as I turned down my street, I let go. Did I mention that it was down hill? The speed kept building and building and building. My eyes got wider. My smile got bigger. I didn't crash! My wonderful face is still in tact. I even waved at my neighbour as I passed by. He must have thought I was so cool. Or not.
It doesn't matter. What matters is that in some small way I claimed that adventurous 10 year old back. I'm still here. If I can attach a lesson for my life from this experience. It's just to simply: have faith. Ride thru life sometimes with no hands. If you're battling insecurities, or fears or anything that is holding you back from "living"...let go.
God Bless

A litte piece of Heaven

Although the title of this entry seems a little cliche, it holds meaning for me. I just returned from visiting, what I grew up thinking, was the greatest place on earth... The Cottage.
Tucked in a quiet corner of Lake Waseosa, just outside Huntsville, is truly "A little piece of Heaven"
I hadn't been there for almost 13 years and all I've been able to think about was the phrase "A little piece of Heaven" I'll explain why in a second. 13 years ago I went on the annual trip to my favourite place in the world, with a bunch of friends. No parents, just a bunch of 20 year old buddies. It was an epic weekend... to say the least. Many stories that have since been repeated over and over, and some we'd like to forget. We were at a reckless age, and probably drank more than we needed to. But we cleaned up after ourselves and left the place the same way we found it. Or so we thought. I've had 13 years of experience, five of those as a married man, to hone my cleaning skills, so it might not have been up to today's standards. However, I've always respected the cottage and would never leave knowing that I ruined anything. Two weeks after I'd returned home, I received a letter. It ripped me to shreds. In a very detailed manner, I had been basically scolded like a child and banished from the cottage. The reason still resonates with me today. The last sentence in the letter said that I had ruined their "little piece of heaven." I didn't let on at the time, but that comment cut me deep.
How could it be their piece of heaven if it was my piece of heaven?? I loved that place! How could someone think that I'd want to ruin it? But there was no compromise,
no opportunity to make amends. My Uncle bought the cottage and it became his and it was used solely by his ever expanding family. I wondered if I'd ever be able to enjoy that little piece of heaven again.
As you can see by the pictures, the answer is yes. I took these pics this morning at 7am while everyone else on the lake was asleep. It was a moment I'd been dreaming about for 13 years. I just wanted to see it again. I wanted to smell the pine. I wanted it to feel like it was mine. and in that moment, this morning I understood what the that sentence in the letter meant. This place is magical. This place is glorious. I was so appreciative of that moment. Thanks for forgiveness. Thanks for second chances. Thanks for letting me back, Uncle Jack.
God is good.
Amen.

Reboot..

#1 I haven't blogged in months. #2 Life gets nuts sometimes. Now that I've got those two facts out there, I'd like to announce that I'm back! and am now living in Hamilton.
My wife and I have committed ourselves to this new journey and we are officially off and running! Well, maybe jogging, ...er' speed walking.
Hamilton has been a big adjustment. Were renting again, which feels like a step backwards, but in reality, it's a big step sideways until we get a feel for this city. We left a pretty comfy existence in Sarnia to come here, so I'm expecting a couple of bumps. Well, maybe hills ...er' escarpments.
When Cindy and I moved into our apartment it was supposed to be cleaned... it wasn't. Including the carpets... they weren't. So all of our belongings went into the kitchen while we set up an appointment for a cleaner. Which couldn't happen until the following day. so, we headed back to Sarnia for the night. Back the next day to meet the cleaner, we realized the hydro was shut off by the power company. How did we discover this? Our carpet cleaner (paid by the hour) went to plug his machine in, the one he already lugged up a flight of stairs, and it didn't turn on. So in a panic, I called the hydro company and to our surprise, they had our hydro back on almost immediately. There have been some emotional ups and downs since then, but all in all it's starting to feel like our home... Until last night... Last night, we discovered we were not alone.
I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of little feet scampering across the roof outside. Or so I thought. Cindy freaked out and thought it was inside. I laughed, thinking she was half asleep. So I put my head down and started to drift off when it happened again. I remember being very impressed with acoustics in our bedroom. Wow, that sounds like- Then it flew a foot above my head. It was A BAT!!! that's right, A FRIGGIN' BAT!!! and it wasn't outside!! I looked at Cindy, who was already on lockdown inside the comforter and pillows. I was on my own. I sprang out of bed and grabbed the closest thing to me. A white T-shirt. I tried to flick the bat with my T-shirt and pick it off in mid-flight. The whole time running thru a mental checklist of all of the things I know about bats. Which isn't much. I thought they were blind, but he just toyed with me and easily evaded my attacks with the T-shirt. I heard bats carry rabies I don't know if that's actually true, but, I was a little nervous. And lastly, I thought bats lived in caves, so why the hell was I up at 3am in my boxers, trying to kill one with my dirty white T-shirt in my bedroom?! After minutes went by, Cindy could wait no longer. She made a mad dash with our comforter out of our bedroom into the spare room. I was convinced that he was rabid by this point and now I was alone. So I quickly followed and slammed the door behind me. We trapped the bat, but it wasn't a very good night sleep after that.
This morning I went into our bedroom and the bat wasn't anywhere to be seen. I'll keep you posted if he returns.
Yup, Cindy and I are so excited to be on this journey together.

Simple Stout Visits Vegas

Everyone who has been has told me to go a least once. So, I went. Not only did I go. I went as part of a 5 man entourage. We went equipped with the expectation that our friend's bachelor party was going to be off the hook....and it was.

First of all, when he woke up on the morning of departure, he had no idea that he was going to be in Vegas that night. He was told to bring some spending money and a passport and that's all he was given. It turned out that it was his first time as well. So, when we got there, the 2 of us talked out our initial impressions as we walked from our hotel... Which happened to be the Bellagio... Not a bad first impression.

My friends and I sat at the bar at the Burger Bar having a drink while waiting for our table so we could eat our fancy dinners. Which, as you might guess from the name, were Burgers. Only in Las Vegas do you have to wait 40 minutes to get a burger... and only in Las Vegas is it worth the wait. And, so, while we were waiting, my VVB "Virgin Vegas Buddy" and I figured out Vegas. We figured out that living it up correctly must be accompanied by the correct mind frame. 2 overwhelming feelings were needling at us both as we sipped on our beers. Las Vegas is constantly whispering to you....

1 It's getting harder to care.

2 I deserve this.

If you listen to those 2 attitudes while in Vegas you will have an amazing time. You will also come home broke and regretful. But, I'm telling you, you feel those 2 overwhelming feelings dictating your every move while in that city. Vegas is crazy.

"I deserve this" hit one of my friends in the head while he was ordering his burger. All the burgers were expensive, but he ordered the sixty dollar kobe beef burger complete with truffles and fois gras. And after having a bite of it, I must admit, it was worth it. I couldn't get over the price while watching him eat it, but when I took a bite "It's getting harder to care" nailed me right in the mouth. I didn't care about the price, I didn't care about anything. I just wanted the yummy to last forever.

Of course Vegas is more than just a great hamburger. We had some some serious bachelor partying to do. So, now equipped with the Vegas attitude and a couple pints of beer, we were ready for a serious night out at Tao Nightclub.
Before I continue, I must thank two of my friends. You see, they are making great money, so they took care of the bill that night. In Vegas, someone better be making great money if you want to enjoy a night out at Tao. We not only had a night out, we had VIP table service. You have no idea what that means unless you've experienced it. We were ushered straight thru the 4 hour lineup (people actually waited 4 hours not kidding) straight up the elevator to a packed club with snow coming down from the ceiling.
Our fancy wristbands got us past the last line of security where we were greeted and seated and spoken to on a first name basis. Oh yeah, and the last words I heard before we entered the land of drum and base... I've got a table for you right next to Charles Barkley. "I deserve this. I deserve this. I deserve this."
It was a night of self indulgence for sure. We were told by our very personal hosts that we could have had anything that we wanted. and when they said "anything", they meant "anything". I'm glad my will power outlasted my new found Vegas attitude that I didn't take them up on their offer. We did well enough with our own private bartender, free bottles of dom and our celebrity neighbour. Charles Barkley's words of wisdom to me that night. "Never stay longer than 3 days"
And that's exactly the length of our trip. We ate, we drank, we hurt, we walked, we gambled, we deserved it and at times we didn't care. I was very tired last night when we touched down in Toronto. I was happy to see my wife, and was happy to get back to life. I want to thank all of my buddies for being a part of my first Vegas experience. I want to thank my 2 very generous friends who made the experience a tough one to match. I can only imagine what is going to happen when one of you gets married. The bar has been raised to very impressive levels.
And if I may repeat the words that were spoken to me before I left.. If you haven't been, you should really go and see it at least once. You deserve it.
Vegas Baby. Vegas

Truckin'

I've been having a regular breakfast meeting once a week with a good friend of mine. He's got 4 kids, and a really busy career, so I'm glad to have an hour of his time to myself. Like anyone, he's got his own struggles in life, but in my eyes, he is succeeding. Part of me covets what he's got. A family, a well paying job that he loves, and a growing investment portfolio. Which leads me to ponder my current situation.

I'm happy, well married and on the road to success. -But I have no idea how long the road is or what the route looks like to get there. Heck, I'm not even sure if I'll recognize success when I arrive. Maybe I'll keep driving. I hope I'll keep driving. You see, it is very clear to me already, that I'm sitting in a big rigg on this open highway of life, with a full tank of gas and a very limited set of directions. I'm eager with anticipation, and scared of the unknown. What if I keep driving and I'm never able to deliver what I'm supposed to? Will I ever be able to afford a nice house? Will my investment portfolio ever expand? I keep reminding myself that the most important fact is: I'm driving.

Like I said before, we all have our struggles. I'm dealing with mine own. I'm coveting a little certainty, coveting a little family, coveting success in my career, coveting that this big rigg full of ideas reaches its destination, coveting a little more faith that all will be well despite all of my coveting.

Ah the life of an artist. exploring ideas, creating beauty and over analyzing everything. It sure is great to be back.

Avatar

So this little tiny movie called Avatar has totally messed up my rating system for good movies. My criteria used to be: for a movie to be considered really good, it must make you laugh and cry. Yes, I cry during movies, shut up....But Avatar did not evoke those under the surface emotions from me. I spent the entire 3 hours sitting in my comfy high back, slightly reclined seat, viewing thru my plastic, slightly uncomfortable 3d glasses with the biggest smile on my face. I didn't even realize that I was smiling until the credits rolled and my cheeks were sore. What a trip!!!

Before I continue, let me tell you that I don't like sci-fi movies that much. My favorite movies are all small budget dramas. So this declaration is going to sound stupid to most. -But Avatar is the greatest movie ever made!!
The plot wasn't surprizing. The acting wasn't Merril Streepish. (you can use that) But James Cameron invented a world that I did not want to leave. 3D like no other. It was absolutely mind blowing. It was an absolute master piece.

I kept turning to my wife saying the most obvious comments as the movie went along. Stuff like: "This is so much fun!" and "This is fucking amazing!" and "This is so much fucking fun and amazing" I don't swear very often, but it was that good!

If you're like me and a bit of a jaded movie goer, then please hear this.. put all of your artsy fartsy crafty wafty opinions to the side. Throw on a pair of cheap 3d recyclable glasses and enjoy the ride. The Movie Theatre experience is back and better than ever.

Thanks James Cameron. I really liked your movie.